The 5 Reasons Why You Suck at Sports Games via Live…

Editors Note: These opinions should be taken with a grain of salt. The author is in the “suck” category.

 

The inspiration for this article came from repeated episodes of anger and heartbreak. All of these outbursts have come during instances that could’ve caused serious injury if I had followed out my wishes. I’m referring to high velocity controllers, approaching dangerous speeds when they explode against my wall in a dismemberment of plastic and wiring. What you’re probably wondering is why you can beat the AI or your friends consistently, but you get stomped against randoms online? Without further ado, here are the 5 reasons why you (and I) suck at sports video games on the interwebs.

 

5) Matchmaking: This one is a no-brainer and probably my biggest folly. Uh hey guys, how many of you just click Quick Match and then get thrown on for 400 yards passing 200 rushing? Which one of you just click Quick Match and then get scored on 4 – 0 in Fifa09 match? Only then you realize the only reason the game isn’t 6 – 0 is because your opponent is humiliating you; attempting chip shots from the top of the box, going full speed, as you battle to try and slide tackle him from behind before its too late.

Hit the jump to see the last four reasons why you suck… 

Solution: Take an extra minute or two to go to custom match and set the game to search for opponents of like game skill. HOORAY!

 

4) Connectivity: Duh dude, your connection sucks! I’m not going to stay on this reason long. Everyone should note that this is your go-to excuse for sucking. All the rest are probably more embarrassing. Tell everyone, “DUDE, WTF LAG”. Everything will be forgiven.

 

Solution: Spend money to buy a new connection, burn your 56k modem as sacrifice to internet gods.

 

 

 

3) Your Sports Knowledge: This is a tough one for some people to admit to themselves. Take ego out of the equation. Sometimes you can lose games because you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. This is fact. There are obvious examples and less obvious ones. Obvious example:  We are playing Madden. Its the best team in the NFL versus you, (insert your favorite lesser NFL team here). Lets just say you are the Detroit Lions because you love Calvin Johnson and car companies. The score is 10-10 with 4 minutes to go in the third quarter. Its 4th and 25 and you are backed up on your own 5 yard line. You decide now is the time to make your move and you throw a bomb to Johnson. ZOMG he got open but it somehow bounced off his hands right to the defense! They take it all the way back for a touchdown. You lose the game 17-10. You deserve it.  

I play lots of Fifa09, but despite playing soccer for 8 years and refereeing as a teenager, my soccer knowledge is probably equivalent to about a 12 year old British boy from Hull City.

 

Solution: Don’t go for the hero play, they build the game engines to take real sports strategy into account.  Madden has a known and publicized track record for punishing bad decisions.

 

   2) Time Commitment: Do you work a nine to five? If the answer is yes, you lose. Think about when you were in College… or High School… or Middle School. Lets face it, those who have time to practice and put the work in to be really good at games are probably going to beat you. When you get beat by 10 year old Lil’ Poison, in NBA Live, you shouldn’t be surprised. He is practicing free throws while you are fiddling with the paper jam in tray 3 (thanks for rubbing it in MNF commercials).

 

Solution: Play more or accept losing.

 

1) Skill: There is no surprise here. You do not pwn n00bz. In fact you may be the noob. The problem is some of us just aren’t that good. I can not do dribble moves or think about that extra pass at the high game speed of Fifa. There is a newer and better generation of gamers who did not grow up on Nintendo. While I was playing Blades or Steel on Nintendo, some of the young guys are growing up on Xbox360, NHL2009. There are players on the internet who are quicker and more equipped than you. It’s reality.

Solution: There is no solution. If you don’t practice, you can not win against better players. Games are getting harder and AI is getting better. Are you?